Thursday, 21 May 2009

Remember me?

It has been a WHILE. Miss me? No? Well screw you. Let's do some thunking.

1. Have you seen the new Star Trek movie, and if so what did you think?

I have. I should explain that I am one of those people who hears "Star Trek" and goes "eww". However, an alarming number of my friends are Trekkies (one of them even told me that this term is derogatory, and that they prefer "Trekkers"). It was by a handful of them that I was therefore dragged to see it. It was opening night, and my god, the audience was just a seething, oozing mass of stereotypes. But enough about that, as I've just eaten.

To be honest, I was tempted to see it anyway, because of the cast. Sylar! Harold! Simon Pegg! Winona! And, it was indeed very, very good, everything that a sci-fi action film should be, and above all completely accessible to non-Trekkies. Incidentally, this confirms my suspicions that I would still hate the TV show.

2. Which popular sitcom character (past or present) are you most like?

Oh my god. Do you not know me? Oh, you don't. I watch many, many sitcoms, and I overanalyse all of them. I could contemplate this question for DAYS, were it not for the fact that I've already thought about it for days in the past and concluded that I am a combination of 5 parts Chandler from Friends, 2 parts Ted from How I Met Your Mother, 2 parts Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle and 1 part JD from Scrubs.

3. What kind of dreams do you have?

On the occasions that I remember them, pretty cool ones. Think I've only had 1 or 2 nightmares in the last 10 years.

4. Bugger it. Go get a tattoo and come back. Right, now answer me this, what ees eet?

Oh, Tilli. Since she asked this question, it makes sense that she already knows my answer. I would get a number 7, with a small Spades symbol next to it. It's my favourite number and my favourite card.

5. Do you think you could be on American Idol with the singing voice you have now without any voice training?

Unfortunately not.

6. How much wood, would a woodchuck chuck? If a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I don't know, but I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son and I'll keep on plucking pheasants til my plucking days are done.

7. If you were a tree in a Dr. Seuss book, what would you look like?

Ha. I would be blue. And hopefully a bit sturdier than most of his trees appear.

8. Twilight? I'm addicted/Who cares/What the hell is Twilight?

I'll take option number 2 please.

9. Do you think Kimber and Berleen do a dube while writing these questions?

I don't know what a dube is. I'd look it up but I'm scared.

10. What the worst injury you've ever had?

This is gonna sound a little pathetic, but I stubbed my toe really, REALLY hard. And it was on my birthday which made it worse.

11. What is your favourite dessert?

I could also think about this for days. Let's go with vanilla cheesecake. No, chocolate cheesecake. No, profiteroles. ARGH FUCK

12. What do you prefer...beach or mountains?

I'm a beach boy. It's actually more the case that I hate mountains. This may sound irrational, as they haven't done anything to me. But I'm scared of heights and I hate climbing. It's like walking, which I dislike enough, but harder.

13. What movie have you seen that still make you cry?

No movie actually makes me cry, but some come close. Of those, Armageddon is probably the one I've seen most often, and the effect doesn't diminish.

14. Why are you making me submit a question? Are you too lazy to think of one yourself?

Wouldn't blame you.

15. How often do you do laundry?

Whenever I've run out of clean clothes that I like, or if I have a few hours with nothing important to do. On average every 10 days or so.

16. What is your favorite movie of all time, and why?

I've so often said Pulp Fiction and/or Toy Story without properly thinking because I know that doing so might make my brain implode. It could be one of those two. It could also be Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Dogma, Snatch or Superbad. I can't choose and you can't make me. DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE.

17. If you won a million dollars in the lottery, would you keep working?

Since that'd just about buy me a nice house in London, yes. Make it 10 mil and we'll talk.

18. If there was a war of the gummies, would you be on the gummi bear side or the gummi worm side?

I've never had a gummi worm and I although I'm sure they taste just as good, I'd still be put off by the wormishness. So, bears.

19. What's your favourite comic strip?

Calvin & Hobbes without the slightest shadow of a doubt. It is not only my favourite comic strip but one of my favourite things in the world, ever. It's genius, hilarious, accurate, wise, moving and adorable, and generally always makes me feel better about life as a whole.

20. Close your eyes… imagine you are in the perfect room/place… describe it.

There's a big-ass HD TV, an Xbox, every DVD in the world ever, peanut butter, bread, a hotline to Domino's, comfy chairs, windows with a good view and plenty of natural light, and all my friends.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Obsession: by Spyke

I was talking to my roommate from 2nd year of uni today. He is, and has always been, a very 'guy' guy - a bloke, if you happen to speak England English. He drinks a lot of beer and likes a lot of sport. He fails to complete the stereotype in that he was in a loving, monogamous relationship for the 3 years we were at uni, but still, you get the idea.

Now, the two main sports that he got very excited about were football and cricket. Over the course of the year his love of football rubbed off on me, the cricket did not. Speaking to him today, however, I informed him that I'd taken an interest in it now, having been invited to join a fantasy cricket league with other friends. His response surprised me for several reasons.

Firstly, I should explain that he and I are not close in the way that some guy friends are. We don't hug, we don't compliment each other apart from in exceptional circumstances, and we don't tell each other our problems and feelings. Since I do this with all my other guy friends, I'm going to put this down largely to his "blokeishness". Which is why I was surprised when he came out with his response, something that shows he's noticed something about me that none of my other friends have, that I never even noticed about myself. What he said was "And you've got an obsessive personality haven't you, so now you'll get obsessed with it."

And he's absolutely right. I cannot take an interest in anything without becoming obsessed with it. That football interest of his that rubbed off on me? Before I lived with him, I didn't give a fuck about football. Now I could probably name at least 300 of the 500+ players in the Premier League + a few more from the Italian and Spanish leagues, and tell you what clubs most of them used to play for. And it's not just football, it's any musician or TV show or anything that I've ever been interested in. I get obsessed with certain types of food - I ate peanut butter sandwiches every day for 12 years. I'm even now getting obsessed with the fucking idea that I am obsessive. When I told all this to one of my best friends, she responded: "Ironically [grr] it's a sign of high intelligence. It means that if you take an interest in your career, you'll be astounding at it. Look at all the successful people in the world, they're all obsessive. I always knew you had to be good at something but I never realised...this is it, isn't it?"

I forget what the point of this post was. It may have been how someone can know you so well without you realising, it may have been how stunned I am that I never noticed such a major aspect of my personality. But there it is. I am Obsessive, if hopefully not Compulsive.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

The Neverending Story

It's the end of a very dull Saturday night, so here comes some Sunday Stealing.

1. My uncle once :

Climbed several stories of scaffolding on a building in Hong Kong when my grandma wasn't watching. I did not inherit this gene.

2. Never in my life :

Have I shaved my head. Dunno why this popped into my mind. Maybe it's my greatest fear. I like my hair.

3. When I was seventeen :

I arrived at uni, younger than most of the other freshers and a month off the UK drinking age. They had to put my picture up behind the college bar.

4. High School was :

Fine, but not as fun as it could have been. I am now, strangely, close friends with two large groups of my ex-schoolmates who were only vague acquaintances at the time, and I wish I'd befriended them earlier.

5. I will never forget :

This could be a long list, I have a very good memory. But since I guess we're talking about when I'm old and stuff, I'll go with last summer's Far East adventure.

6. I once met :

A man with seven wives. As I was travelling to St Ive's.

7. There’s this girl I know who :

Sometimes appears to share a brain with me.

8. Once, at a bar :

I left my money with a friend and asked him to get me a double vodka Red Bull while I went to the bathroom. When I came back, I found out the Russian bartender had confused my friend's order of a pint of wine (classy, I know) and my order...and given us each a double vodka Red Bull, IN a pint of wine. I drank it, with some female encouragement. I don't remember much after that. Except for falling off a barstool, running into a tree, and laughing a lot. Hell, ask Tilli what happened, I also remember phoning her a few times.

9. By noon, I’m usually :


10. Last night :

I don't remember. Not because it was a wild drunken night, but because the last week has been so fucking dull that all the days have merged into each other.

11. If only I had :

A billion dollars. Yes, everyone says this, but there's a reason. It would solve almost all of my problems, and thus give me time to focus on fixing the ones that it wouldn't solve directly.

12. Next time I go to gym/church :

Will be tomorrow, in the case of the gym.

13. Susan Boyle :

Is very talented. I only found out about her this morning, delayed I know. Does no else find it harsh how everyone keeps pointing out, to her face, how surprising it is to hear that voice coming out of her? She's receiving a backhanded compliment from THE ENTIRE WORLD.

14. What worries me most :

Getting my head shaved, apparently.

15. When I turn my head left, I see :

I don't see nobody by my side.

16. When I turn my head right, I see :

Still nobody in sight. So I turn my head to the north, swallow that thing that they call pride, the old me's dead and gone...but the new me'll be alright.

17. You know I’m lying when :

You won't. I lie so infrequently that no one ever suspects.

18. What I miss most about the eighties :

Umm...nappies? Breastfeeding? No wait, that's not good at all.  Blissfull childlike wonder and ignorance, that'll do.

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be :

Ha. Um, let's go with Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 10 Things I Hate About You.

20. By this time next year :

I might have finished this meme. Halfway through, are you kidding me?! Right, I'm cutting down on the long answers.

21. A better name for me would be :


22. I have a hard time understanding :


23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll :

Drink a lot.

24. You know I like you if :

Again, you won't know, not for the first few times we meet cos I'll barely have spoken to you. After that point, if I am anything even approaching talkative, that's your sign.

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be :


26. When I compare 80’s rock to 90’s rock :

90's wins.

27. Take my advice, never :

Clean your glasses with aerosol deodorant. That was a motherfucker of a headache.

28. My ideal breakfast is :


29. A song I love, but do not own is :

Does this assume non-piracy?

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest :

Fuck this.

31. My favorite Beatle is :


32. Why won’t people :


33. If you spend the night at my house :

Do not expect me to know where the pillows are kept. People found this out the hard way last week.

34. I’d stop my wedding for :

If I made it that far? Nothing.

35. The world could do without :

Piers Morgan. Yeah, you know who he is now America, if you know who Susan Boyle is. God he's an irritating fucker.

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than :

Lick the belly of a spider. But licking a cyanide capsule comes above both.

37. My favourite blonde is :

Huh. Difficult, I like brunettes. Ooh, got it, Elisha Cuthbert.

38: Paper clips are more useful than :


39. If I do anything well, it’s :

Mental arithmetic.

40. And by the way :

I tried to say I'd be there, waiting for...

Thursday, 16 April 2009

"Dawn's in trouble. Must be Thursday."

Yeah yeah, the original line is 'Tuesday', but you get the idea. Thursday Thunks!

1. Recently Berleen and I discovered the allure of the Twilight series. Have you ever been sucked in to the latest "thing"? (Like Harry Potter, the movie Titanic, social networking, etc. etc. etc.)

Often, yes. For instance, Harry Potter - definitely yes (although I was in the target age range when it first came out). Facebook - also massively yes, oh the hours I've wasted and will continue to waste. Lost - yes, until they found a statue of a foot with four toes on the island and I realised they were just going "hey, let's think of something mysterious that raises loads of questions and throw it in there, ridicule be damned." I neither know nor care what the hell happened after I stopped watching. Maybe they found evidence that they were in hell, or the past, or the future, or the nostril of a 100-foot space weasel. Who gives a fuck anymore.

Other times, emphatically not. Twilight being a case in point. Mind you, the hype was so huge that I was tempted, til I remembered I had testicles. Titanic I resisted seeing at the time, but saw it a couple years ago and my GOD I want those 3 hours back, even if I'm only gonna spend them on facebook.

2. What software do you use for your email?

Windows Mail. Huh, I don't really see what else I can do with this question. That's that then.

3. Are you comfortable being nude?

Not excessively. But then (cause or effect?), I really like clothes. Did I mention I had 100 t-shirts?

4. What is something you plan on doing this summer?

ROAD TRIP! Admittedly I cannot drive, but a few of my friends can. So what do I bring to the table, you ask. I respond: humour and a bunch of awesome mix CD's.

5. Do you have a favourite movie/book quote? If so, what is it?

Oh my god, what have you done. No, really. Do I have to pick one? How about, like, 57? That's a nice round number. You know, if you'd added TV to the options I'd literally be crying now. Fine, fine, I'll pick one, because I guess I do have one, even if it is 99.9% context. It's from Pulp Fiction, the moment when Bruce Willis is sitting in the car and Ving Rhames crosses the street in front of him, turns and sees him:


6. How many email addresses do you have?

Three. My official uni one, the hotmail one I use largely for MSN Messenger, and the hopefully untraceable one I use when signing up for websites/programs that are totally legal and don't involve piracy in any way.

7. Is the sky falling?

No, and such thinking will get you and your stupid bird friends eaten by an improbably named fox. However, Queens of the Stone Age said it is falling. So now I don't know what to think.

8. Have you been to the Grand Canyon?

Nope. I've barely even been to the US, just Miami for a couple weeks 7 years ago. I expected Will Smith to welcome me at the airport and invite me to a club where the heat was on. He didn't, but I bought some cool shoes.

9. When was the last time you mailed a hand written letter?

I honestly don't remember. I'm actually not sure I ever have, cos if I did it would have been when I was a kid, and who the hell do little kids send hand written letters to? Oh wait, of course. He must have received it as well, cos I totally got that Hot Wheels set.

Sunday, 12 April 2009

But it's not Thursday!

It is, however, a meme. Maybe one day soon I'll have the time and effort to make original posts as well. For now though, Sunday Stealing.

1. What is your current obsession?

I am by default obsessed with Tottenham Hotspur football club, at the moment I have no other overriding obsession so I'll stick with that.

2. What’s a good coffee place?

At uni we always favoured the Starbucks in Borders, so as globalised as you can get really. That's because they had books, magazines, and sofas we could fall asleep on on Sunday afternoons. But the small family-run places make the best hot chocolate.

3. Who was the last person that you hugged?

Ha, same person as last time I did this question, once again a couple days ago. Or another of my best friends, whoever left my house first, I don't remember.

4. Do you nap a lot?

Very very rarely, I tend to feel half dead when I wake up from naps. So only if I'm so tired that I already feel half dead anyway.

5. Tonight, what’s for dinner?


6. What was the last thing that you bought?

The Alien Quadrilogy DVD box set. For £8, I could not resist, I swear the damn thing was £80 when it came out.

7. What is your favorite weather?

Sunny enough that I can wear a t-shirt with no jacket, but not hot enough to sweat.

8. Tell us something about one blogger who you think will play this week?

Hmm, I've only done this like once before. Does Bud do this one? If so, he is sarcastic, funny and mildly perverted (in a good way).

9. If you were given a free house that was full furnished, where in the world would you like it to be?

Somewhere in Central London, maybe south of the river.

10. Name three things that you could not live without.

Friends, laptop, phone.

11. What would you like in your hands right now?

The answers to the exams I have in 10 days.

12. What’s one of your guilty pleasures?

Backstreet Boys and other 90's boyband music.

13. What would you change or eliminate about yourself?

I would like more self-confidence and the ability to grow a proper beard. I wonder if the two are correlated.

14. As a child, what type of career did you want?

I aspired to the lofty ambitions of road sweeper or supermarket checkout guy. I liked the uniforms.

15. What are you missing right now?

Friends, freedom, family.

16. What are you currently reading?

Sigh. An economics textbook.

17. What do you fear the most?

Spiders and dying alone.

18. What’s the best movie that you’ve seen recently?

This has been a slow couple of months for me movie-wise, I am eagerly anticipating seeing Wolverine, I Love You Man and Observe & Report in a couple of weeks after exams. Possibly all on the same day. To get back to the question, it wasn't really that recent but City of God.

19. What’s your favourite book from the past year?

Glass Books of the Dream Eaters.

20. Is there a comfort food from your childhood that you still enjoy?

Peanut butter. I feel this has been involved in a lot of my meme answers...

Thursday, 9 April 2009

That Thursday feeling.

Time for Thunking!

1. What was the last thing you ate?

That would be an oven-cooked beef burger from M&S. And of course, a little peanut butter from straight out of the jar, but we're ignoring that.

2. I say the color purple.. what do you think of?

Barney. Good god, how depressing, I never even watched the bastard.

3. Lamps or ceiling lights?

Ceiling lights. In my first year of uni I lived in a room that was awfully lit, because it lacked a ceiling light. The reason for this was to prevent students hanging themselves. True story. Well, not so much true story as urban legend, but there you go.

4. What colour rabbit is your favourite?

I don't even know what colours rabbits come in, so I'm going to say aquamarine.

5. Your car breaks down on a deserted road and your cell phone has no signal - what do you do?

Panic. I suppose eventually I would have to start jumping up and down and waving whenever I heard cars approaching. Or if it's THAT deserted, lock the car and walk til I had signal/found a payphone. I'd like to think I'd do that, but I have a feeling I might just curl up in the car and die.

6. What is one thing most of your friends do online that you just can't understand the fascination and do not participate in?

Well it's not most of my friends so much as one friend and half the damn world, but Twitter. Seriously, I'm slightly dorkish, I like fun computer stuff, but I just do not see the appeal at all, and it confuses me. Also I found out that the Seth Rogen and Christopher Walken accounts were both fake, which ruined my day.

7. What do you need right now?

Lots of things. Most imminently, judging by the rumbling, food.

8. And your most serious injury you've had was....?

Well, this is embarrassing. When I was about 11, I stubbed my toe so hard that I thought I broke it, although I almost certainly did not. Yeah, that's it, touch wood.

9. What is the most evil thing you've ever done?

Oh, probably some form of mental torture directed towards my little brother. Can't think of specifics.

10. Give us some random fact about you.

I own over 100 t-shirts. Apparently this is unusually for a 21 year old straight male.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

This seems to be the only part of my blog these days...

Hmm. Again, busy times. In about a month's time I think I'll have more to say. And hell, from around July onwards I'll have pretty much nothing else to do. Anyway, here we go with another Thursday Thunks.

1. Did you play any April Fools jokes on anyone or have a joke played on you?

Since I'm revising for exams and was left home alone by my jet-setting family this morning, I have not actually seen anyone today, making it hard to be pranked. Oh actually, the postman wrote my initial on a "missed parcel" slip instead of my dad's, thus causing me to get unnecessarily excited and waste half an hour going to the post office. If that was a joke, it was well-planned, since he left that slip yesterday. Bastard.

As for internet April Fools, I was constantly on the lookout, partially because the first thing that came up on my computer screen this morning was an MSN message sent to me by Tilli, which read "it's April Fools, BE ALERT." We have a history of being fooled. And no, didn't prank anyone else, couldn't be bothered...I like to fool people when they're NOT expecting it.

2. If you could be on any non-reality TV show as a guest star or star, which one would it be and why?

Arrested Development. This is because it is literally 100% pure comic genius, everything about it is perfect and for that reason I reckon even the extras must feel proud to have been involved in it.

3. Do you crack your knuckles?

I have done a couple of times in the past just to check if I could. Having ascertained that, I felt no need to continue, it's not particularly enjoyable.

4. If you remember your first day of kindergarten, were you scared or excited? If you have kids or grandkids, were they scared or excited?

I don't know if scared is the right word, but I was very, very upset. I was incredibly attached to my parents and really did not like strangers or other children, so it was a pretty horrific scenario for me. Apparently I just screamed until one of the helpers had to take me outside, where I calmed down and showed her all the different car models I knew as they drove by.

5. If you are in the shower, hear the fire alarm going off and smell smoke/see flames, will you just run out of the house with a towel on or grab some clothes & dress as you run out?

Depends on the relative positions of shower, fire and clothes. I'd like to put on at least a t-shirt, but I ain't gonna run back into the flames to do so. I would also like to make sure my hair looks good. You never know who'll be outside.

6. Last week the Thursday Thunkers asked about your Daddy (twice), so this week tell us a little about your Mom.

She's very tough, very proud, extremely loud, and fiercely protective of me. Not long ago my closest female friend and I realised that she also has every single one of these attributes. We decided this probably wasn't a coincidence.

7. Which search engine do you use most often?

Google. Not very exciting, but it's the best. There's a reason every piece of software Google brings out completely kicks ass.

8. Did you participate in Earth Hour?

I don't know what this is. I was on the phone to one of my friends earlier and he was saying how his boss at the office had been talking about it. However by this point we'd been on the phone for around half an hour and I'd started playing with a yo-yo I found on my desk, so I don't remember what he said.

9. What was the last new-to-you movie you watched? Was it in the theater or on DVD? Was it good?

Watchmen, in the cinema. Was it good? I think I'm less able to give an answer for this than I ever have been for any film. I think I'll just say, "read the comic".

10. If you do something embarrassing, do you laugh it off, or sit & worry about it?

If I'm able to see how people react to it, I will generally laugh it off. If not, depending on the situation, I will sometimes sit and worry. Specifically, about how embarrassing it actually was, how it's going to affect my life, and whether it's at all salvageable. It usually is.

11. Where is your favorite spot in your home to sit & relax?

Probably lying on my bed. Or lying on a sofa. Lying down is good. I was once discussing school reports with my headmaster, and one of them described me as "laid-back". He asked if I felt this was accurate, and pointed out that even as I sat there I was practically horizontal.

Thursday, 26 March 2009

It's been a while...

I have been busy. But yeah, time to pick up where I left off, with Thursday Thunks. It is now Thursday in England.

1. What is your favourite type of soda (if you drink soda)?

Soda just means fizzy drinks, right? In that case Dr. Pepper. Well actually no, there's this drink called Portello which has 50% more sugar than Coke and is only available in Sri Lanka. It's awesome. Also, just to cover all my bases, my favourite drink with the word 'soda' in it is Cream Soda.

2. Do you believe in astrology? If so, what does your sign say about you?

Hmm, not really. I'm a Scorpio, but if I'm at a stage of boredom so advanced that I'm actually reading horoscopes (probably on the train, in a newspaper I've picked up) then I'll tend to just read all of them and pick one that seems relevant to my life. Or, for a more entertaining use of my time, I'll just read the cartoons again.

3. Who is John Galt?

I googled this and went to the wiki page. This is what I do whenever something confuses me in life. However, I got bored after the first sentence.

4. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night?

Close my eyes. OK fine, you want a non-smartass answer, I plug my phone into its charger.

5. Who's your Daddy? dad.

6. Jelly beans or Jelly Bellies?

OK, so I thought maybe Jelly Bellies were some American thing we didn't get over here but once again, googled, and they look exactly the same as jelly beans. Is that the point of the question? Well screw that, I'm going with Jelly Babies. Yeah, now that's a transatlantic reference that YOU don't get. Ha.

7. What do you think about yellow car? Why car manufacturer actually made yellow cars?

And here's another one that I don't get. Well, actually, I have seen this on American TV shows and stuff. Over here though, there's a whole variety of other games that involve being able to legitimately punch your friends. My favourite is the one where you make a ring with your thumb and index finger, and have to make the other person look at it whilst keeping your hand below waist height.

8. Holding on or Letting go?

In theory the latter but in practice the former.

9. What kind of underwear, if any, do you wear?


10. Who is your daddy and what does he do?

Huh, obsessive much? He did something with computers, now he's retired.

11. Spring - is it here yet??

Yes. Because the midges are out, and soon I won't be able to open my window in the evenings without experiencing my very own 3rd plague of Egypt.

12. Does Google Streetview scare you?

No, the Ebola virus scares me. If someone knows where I live anyway, there's a lot worse they can do than look at a picture of my house on their computer.

13. What is your favourite brand of ice cream?

Ben & Jerry's. My favourite flavour is not by them, but I like them best overall.

14. What is your favourite flavour of ice cream?

Haagen-Dazs Pralines & Cream.

15. Do you ever get tired of your everyday routine?

I tend not to keep one for very long, such is the life of a student. But sometimes, some parts, yes. But that's generally because they're dull and/or unpleasant rather than just because they're routine.

16. What inspires you?

Hmm. Being creative? Making people laugh? Some combination thereof? Alternatively, my friends.

17. It’s springtime-do you spend more time outdoors?

Only if there are sufficiently few midges.

18. When do you think Bud will let us see the DVD of him and the french twins?

As soon as he's figured out an appropriate pricing strategy.

19. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you, and why?

London, because it's awesome and I'm unadventurous and all my friends live there. If I was a little braver I'd say New York for a year or two just so I could see all the seasons, and maybe Hong Kong again for a bit longer than last time, if the right people were there with me.

20. Why do you blog?

Because my mother never hugs me. No that's not true, the woman is like a bear. I think the reason is whatever I said in my first post however many weeks ago - I made a new year's resolution to write more stuff, and I'm an attention-seeking prick.

21. What are electrolytes and why are they good for us?

As a (former) science student I can say that electrolytes are electricity-conducting substances containing free ions. That is all.

22. Do you twitter? Why or why not?

No, because I really cannot be bothered to figure it out. However I do occasionally look at the pages of certain celebrities, notably Seth Rogen, who is one of my idols, and Christopher Walken, who is a living god.

23. What did you dream last night?

Dammit. I never usually remember when I wake up, but today I did. And now I don't. Well this'll eat at my brain for a good few hours.

24. What is the strangest thing you've eaten?

Donkey, in China. Tasted like beef.

25. What was the last picture that you took?

My friend sitting in the boot of my other friend's Smart car.

26. what is your favorite part of spring?

The combination of the sunshine and the breeze.

27. what is one thing that you did this past week that no one knows about?

I bought a new toothbrush.

28. What kind of bandages do you typically have in your household?

None, as far as I know. There's plasters though.

Thursday, 5 March 2009

Whoa...'s Thursday again?! This confirms my theory that my life is racing ahead without me and spiralling out of control. Or something. Anyway, Thursday Thunks:

1. This cat - scary or cute?

Good god. Who finds that cute?! That almost makes me scared of cats. I accuse this meme of having a subliminal anti-feline agenda.

2. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes reproducing again. Good idea or don't care?

Not really bothered.

3. Do you smile at strangers when you make eye contact?

Only if they smile first. Otherwise I look away frantically and hope they don't stab me.

4. What percentage of your sarcasm isn't really sarcasm at all?

All of it, dumbass. Oooh, now you don't know if that was sarcasm or not. And if it was, was it real? THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR PLAYING MIND GAMES WITH ME.

5. If you were to be a dog breed, which breed would you be?

I dislike dogs. We've been over this before. But meh, fine, labrador.

6. Go grab the closest book. Open up to page 27. Whats the 4th sentence?

"I beam at him."

7. When's the last time someone put one over on you, told you a story that you totally fell for when it wasn't anywhere near true?

Sadly the page no longer appears to be online, but it was that fake BBC News article about zombies in Cambodia.

8. Ever seen Michael Jackson in person?

No. I think if I did I might cry.

9. Do you have a gut?

I...huh? Yes, I do. But is this answer not gonna be yes for most people, and a horrific and uncomfortable reminder for the remainder?

10. What is one thing in your kitchen you have too many/too much of?

Washing up liquid. Don't worry, I'm aware that this is not for consumption. But my point is the stuff takes damn years to finish.

11. Ever had a colon cleansing?

What the hell is this? It sounds like a really disturbing pick-up line.

And we're done til next week. Which will probably be tomorrow in my brain. Argh I'm going insane.

Sunday, 1 March 2009

Sunday Stealing

Another meme today: Sunday Stealing: The Procrastination Tool Meme.  This one appears to be designed to take up a whole bunch of my time, and since I'm avoiding some rather dull work, I could not be more pleased. Let's begin.

1. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?

Gourmet Burger Kitchen. Dunno if they have that exact chain in the States but seriously, the blue cheese sauce is like crack.

2. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?

Pretty much any food that I like. I'm strange that way, I may be one of the dullest people you will ever meet foodwise. But since I feel compelled to give a specific answer, I'll go with peanut butter sandwiches since I ate that for 14 years straight, until they had to take it away from me.

3. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?

Ow, no. Touch wood.

4. What is the last heavy item you lifted?

A box containing several hundred extremely cheap scarves, gloves and handbags. I have strange friends.

5. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?

Nuhuh. I may have passed out drunk, does that count? Although in those situations I can never tell the difference between passing out and just falling asleep...

6. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

Hell no. For all the obvious reasons.

7. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

You know, I think by this point I actually wouldn't bother. I'm used to my name, it works, and anything cool I tried to think up would end up overshooting just that little bit into lame.

8. What’s your goal for the year?

I had two, to write more stuff (going well, as mentioned) and to learn to sing and play the guitar at the same time. That one was going alright but then I left my guitar in my best friend's room about a month ago after an unsuccessful duetting attempt.

9. Last person you hugged?

The Grace to my Will (not actually gay though, for the record), couple days ago.

10. First place you went this morning?

Shower. Can't function very well before then.

11. Do you always answer your phone?

If I realise it's ringing then yes, with exceptions: tend to ignore family when out with friends, tend to ignore friends when in the car with family, sometimes ignore unknown numbers depending on my mood.

12. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?

This could actually be any number of people. I know at least one insomniac, a couple of people who are often drunk, and someone who is currently somewhere in the world where 4 in the morning my time would be noon.

13. If you could change your eye color what would it be?

Judging by the coloured contacts I bought in Hong Kong, an unnatural shade of blue.

14. What’s on your wish list for your birthday?

Wow, I never even know this a week before the day, let alone 8 months. I guess a car would be nice, I'm lucky enough that I seem to have most smaller things that I want.

15. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?

Both. The idea of living with at least one of my friends, and the slightly more distant possibility of living with a bunch of them, Friends-style, makes me very happy. Career-wise, if my future is as a writer, then definitely excited, otherwise nervous.

16. Do you have any saved texts?

Couple hundred. I've had my phone for a little over 2 years and have kept almost every text that's seriously amused me in that time (So many phone references today, sorry Tilli).

17. Ever been in a car wreck?

No. Again, touch wood.

18. Do you have an accent?

I don't think so. London-ish if anything, innit mate.

19. What was the last song to make you cry?

When I was about 7 "Fairground" by Simply Red used to make me really really sad, cos of things I associated it with, I probably did cry a couple times. I don't think I've cried for quite a few years now, although a few films and one song get me close to it. That one song, by way of an answer to this question, is "Tears in Heaven".

20. What did you do last night?

I had dinner with a friend, then came back to my room with the intention of working and spent a couple hours rediscovering the best songs of the early 90's with another friend on MSN.

21. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?

I think so, bit more than a year ago. Got a lot better. Sounds corny as fuck, but you can never be at rock bottom as long you have friends.

22. Current hate right now?


23. Met someone who changed your life?

Repeatedly, mostly between the years 2003 and 2006.

24. How did you bring in the New Year?

With my family, halfway across the world, at some sort of seafood buffet dinner dance with a lot of over-50 year olds. It was actually somewhat dull, until idiotic drunken freshies started playing with fireworks and I had to protect my little brother. I think next year I may be in London for once, yay!

25. What song represents you?

Geto Boys - "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta". No, I don't REALLY think I'm a gangsta. It's just such a laid back song.

That was fun, go play!

Thursday, 26 February 2009

Thursday Thunks

Meme meme meme: Thursday Thunks:

1. What kind of dryer sheets do you use?

Are you serious? There's actually things that make clothes smell and feel even better when they come out of the dryer? Next you'll be telling me they've invented, like, uber-sliced bread.

2. How many times a week do you eat out/order in?

With all these "recession-busting" 2-for-1 vouchers around, a fair amount. 2-3 times a week out, 2-3 times a month order in (and it's always Domino's).

3. What did you do the night of your high school graduation?

Hmm, again with the transatlantic divide. There was a leaver's ball, does that count?

4. So Octomom is rumored to have been offered a million bucks to do a porno. Would you do it for a million?

Are they really calling her "Octomom"? And she's alright with it? Huh, I guess there's worse tabloid nicknames out there, like "race hate cleric" and "sex pest fisherman". And no, no I wouldn't.

5. If your child was born with an extra finger or toe, would you have it surgically removed?

Hmm. No such thing as risk-free surgery, is there? Finger probably, toe might not be worth it.

6. What was the last movie you saw?

Big screen - Slumdog Millionaire. Small screen - The Last Samurai.

7. I wanna buy you a dozen roses, what color should they be?

Blue without question. Replace the phrase "a dozen roses" in that question with almost anything else, and this would still probably be true.

8. You are walking across the street, you are not quite half way when a speeding car comes... you have to run to get out of its way, which direction do you run?

Even though I am by no means speedy, I always keep running. Even if I'm nowhere near halfway. I am aware that this is unwise, but I can't do anything about it.

9. Tell us about a time when you were invited over somewhere and had the most awful time.

Awful? None that I can remember. Boring, however, is another story. Being of a South Asian persuasion, there was a time when I was going to approximately one wedding a week, usually of extremely distant relatives who I had never seen before.

10. You open your front door and there is a box with a puppy in it... what do you do?

I'm not a dog person. Like puppies, not so much what they grow into. I'd play with it for a few days, then give it to a more dog-happy friend and watch it grow up from a safe distance.

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Wednesday Weirdness

Another meme, Wednesday Weirdness:

1.) You're on a trip taking a tour through the jungle. You have a backpack with some food, some first aid supplies, a pocket knife, a flashlight and a couple bottles of water. Some how, you get separated from your group. By night fall you haven't found your group and haven't heard them looking for you. How long do you think you would be able to survive on your own?

Ignoring the fact that there's no way in Hell I'd be there in the first place? About 7 minutes. I would probably end up spilling the water, dropping the food in some sort of malaria-infested puddle, stabbing myself with the knife and accidentally overdosing on paracetamol from the first aid kit. Seriously, survival skills are not my thing.

2.) Do you think it's okay to lie to spare someone's feelings? Why?

Sometimes, without a doubt. Because there are occasions where absolutely no good can come out of telling the truth, but nothing too bad comes out of lying.

3.) If a talking (insert your name here) doll were made, what are THREE phrases it would say?

First let's get one thing straight, it's not a doll, it's an action figure. And the Spyke doll's three phrases would be an insane giggle, "Let's just go and chill somewhere" and "Sigh."

4.) If the super power to be able to read minds at your own will were possible, do you think it would be... cool and helpful, intrusive and wrong, manipulative or maddening? Explain why you would or wouldn't want to be able to read anyone's mind at your own will.

It would be all of those things at different times. There have always been times in my life where I've wished I knew what someone else was thinking. But on the other hand, maybe I was better off not knowing for sure. I think if I had the power, there would be times where I'd know I shouldn't use it, where using it would probably only upset me, but I don't think I'd be able to resist the temptation. So no, wouldn't want it.

5.) Drunk confessions, are they the things people can't bring themselves to say sober or just crazy ramblings of an influenced and intoxicated mind?

In my case almost always the former, perhaps to a slightly exaggerated degree.

6.) What brings out the worst in you?

Perceiving (not always correctly) that I have been badly wronged in some way can turn me into a completely different person. This person can be bitchy, moody, sulky and irritable and I don't like him. Thankfully it doesn't happen very often.

7.) Do you think long distance relationships work? Have you ever been in one before?

Sometimes, and no.

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Man flu

I am currently suffering from what I am reliably informed is "man flu". Looking up the term on urbandictionary, I find that this affliction seems to be the focal point of a considerable battle in the War of the Sexes.  To illustrate what I mean by this, the definitions I found range from "when guys get a cold and act as though it's life-threatening" to "the one week a year when guys get ill and whine, as opposed to every fucking day of a woman's life when we have to hear you complain". Hmm. I'll confess right now that my current case is pretty much the first one. I hope I'm not letting the team down by admitting this, and that I'm not the first guy ever to do so. But seriously, when exaggerating a slight case of the sniffles gets hot chocolate made for you, it's pretty much worth it.

Monday, 23 February 2009

Double Inmemenity

Firstly, apologies for the awful pun. But as it suggests, I'm going to use two different memes today, largely because the first is one is what I kinda intended to write anyway. That is Monday Peeves - - where today's topic is "Free-for-All: Consider this like an open mic session of Monday Peeves. Take this chance to rant about something, anything, that has bugged you lately, and then leave a link to your rant."

Before I even saw this, I was about to come on here and write about the fact that lately, I seem to be getting pissed off at pretty much everything. What triggered it today was a car zooming straight over the zebra crossing that I was standing at waiting to cross. At the moment I realised he wasn't stopping, I had an urge just to step out in front of him anyway, just to be like "Fuck you, you shoulda stopped, enjoy prison." Or, if I was quick enough, to pick up a rock and throw it the back windscreen. All in all though, I doubt either course of action would have been worth the consequences.

But like I said, a lot of things and people are annoying me these days. My iPod has been set to play only Rage Against The Machine since Thursday. High up on my list are the twat who shares my kitchen and seems to always be using it at the exact time I want to, whether it's an early dinner at 6 or a late dinner at 11. And his frequently visiting girlfriend, whose inability to leave said kitchen in a state fit for human beings is the only thing in life that's ever tempted me to leave someone a passive-aggressive note. Also, the course organisers who seem to have decided that the best plan of action for destroying my mental health is to give me 3 essays to do in 3 days, every week. I think this rage may be largely to do with being separated from most of the people who actually made my life fun for the last 3 years. Still, that should be rectified in a few months. Hopefully then I'll turn back into the calm, laid-back guy whose friends have at times in the past tried very hard to get him to display signs of anger just because they literally could not imagine it happening.

And so, with those memories of better and very recent times, I turn to the second meme, Monday's a Bitch: because their topic today (edit: just realised it's actually from 2 months ago, don't care, I like it) is the kind of thing I could easily and happily spend hours thinking about:

The Movie of Your Life in 2008

1. What would be the title?
2. What would be the tag line?
3. Who would be the main characters? Who would you cast to play them?
4. What would be the climax in the story?
5. What song would play for the closing credits?

1. F.I.N.A.L.S. (based on a popular acronym)
2. It's all about the cotch.
3. Myself and 10 or so of my closest friends. I would be played by Michael Cera with some sort of RDJ-in-Tropic Thunder-style pigment alteration. I don't think I have the time to think up the perfect actors for all my friends, but if I were to find actors from my favourite TV shows whose characters come closest, they would be Donald Faison, David Schwimmer, Nicolas Brendon, Allison Mack, Tina Fey, Jenna Fischer, Lisa Kudrow, Erik Per Sullivan, Neil Patrick Harris, Johnny Galecki, and maybe a female Dylan Moran. All of them reverse-engineered (or in one case, forward-engineered) to the age of 20.
4. Graduation.
5. Feeder - Just A Day followed by Nelly - Ride Wit Me

And that's me done for now. I don't think I'm gonna make every post from now on a meme, I just happened to really like two of today's.

Saturday, 21 February 2009

To meme or not to meme

My first meme question thingy. From

1. Where would you go if you wanted to spark your creativity?
If the last couple of weeks are anything to go by, my laptop. Or, occasionally, marketing lectures.

2. What would be one thing that would embarrass you a great deal?
Dancing while sober.

3. What values did your parents instill in you?
Hmm. The standard ones, I guess. Apart from eat healthily, they kinda missed the boat on that one although they try their damndest to make up for it now.

4. What’s a fad of your teen years that you remember well?
Dude, my teen years only ended in late 2007. If we're talking earlier teens, um, maybe Ali G impressions? And then, later on, Borat impressions. And presumably pretty soon Bruno impressions.

5. What is your favorite breakfast?
Ah there's this M&S cereal, Apple and Cinnamon Crunch. I remember taking it round to a friend's place for some sort of breakfast party (this seemed less strange at the time) and her being shocked that it had "authentic cinnamon". Rather than "synthetic cinnamon". I dunno, she lived in Scotland for a long time if that explains anything.

6. What is the best birthday gift that you have received?
Probably my Sony Ericsson K800i. I am aware that one of my readers (my only one that I know of in fact) is in mourning for a beloved phone and this will be my second insensitive phone-related remark of the day, and I'm sorry for it. But it's true.

7. What gadget could you not live without?
Does a laptop count? I remember when the charger for this thing broke. The panic and stress levels that ensued, my god, I think I genuinely understood how new parents feel the first time their babies get the flu.

8. Do you collect anything?
Many years ago I collected the free toys from boxes of Frosties. Then I discovered Crunchy Nut. Now, if anything, pop culture-related t-shirts, although I don't know if this counts as a collection since do in fact wear them on a regular basis.

9. What website (non-blog) do you regularly visit?
Ignoring the standard answers of facebook, youtube and wikipedia? The football section of BBC Sport.

First Post Down

Welcome to the Pleasuredome. I don’t actually remember what that is, but I wanted to say “Welcome to the [something]” and ‘Pleasuredome’ was the first thing my subconscious had to suggest. So to begin with, Spyke is not my real name. This should be obvious, as Spyke is not anyone’s real name. It’s a nickname, albeit one I came up with myself that was roundly dismissed by all my friends. Why the secrecy? Firstly, this is the internet, and my paranoia tells me that even having a blog in the first place is probably the identity theft equivalent of walking down a dark alley with a large wad of cash sticking out of your ear. Secondly and (arguably) more importantly, my name is uncommon enough to basically make me a one-man Googlewhack. If any member of my family happened to Google me, they could find this and it might destroy their perception of me as a grunting, barely sentient post-teenager. We can't have that.

A little more to explain. I'm writing this blog as part of a New Year's resolution (my first serious one at the age of 21, and it's actually going spectacularly well) to write more stuff. I started out just writing facebook notes, but I think I was starting to piss off my friends. Now I can piss off the internet as a whole. It's called First Soldier Down because a friend and I have spent much of the last 2 years thinking up names for hypothetical bands, and this one is far and away my favourite. If you recognise where it's from, then I like you. If you don't, ah I'll forgive you, and encourage you to watch more Angel.